Low self esteem - how to feel better about yourself

Author: Graeme Orr

Into each life a little rain must fall says the well-known saying. Yet at times in our lives in can feel like a monsoon. We feel ineffective at dealing with the problems that have been thrown at us. Self-esteem and self-worth help us rise above these.

Often low self-esteem starts in our childhood; a well-known statistic is that parents in America in a recent study criticized their children eight times for each moment of praise.

When children feel that they are doing their best yet are still criticised by their loved ones (parents) then they begin to question their internal model of the world have they got it wrong? It might be safer to do what other people tell us, or think what other people tell us to think as a defence mechanism to make us liked. While this is an extreme case perhaps you can see that it is one end of a scale and if the balance is not redressed by positive experiences as well, this inferior feeling can continue into adulthood especially at times of stress.

Any counsellor will tell you that there are a lot of problems that can attack our very belief in ourselves – how we see ourselves. Redundancy, debt, the breakdown of relationships all attack at the way we see ourselves both from within and in society. As self-belief is eroded, our self-esteem can be our last line of defence. If this is attacked we can begin to believe that we are worth less than others; we can become more concerned with what others think of us of our appearance and our actions than what we feel from within.

Many of us will recognise behaviours such as replaying our mistakes in our heads, or constantly criticising ourselves as worthless or stupid. Can you fight this can you boost your self-esteem to boost your mental toughness in the face of adversity?

One of the first steps to take is to stop criticising yourself. You cannot be to blame for everything. It is possible that you make a mistake, but you learned from that mistake you grew as a person. Alongside this we also tend to think of the worst possible scenario. We forget to send a birthday card to a friend; clearly the friend will be insulted and will never talk to you again bringing your 20 year friendship to an end. As you step back you see that this is a possibility but a very remote one and much more likely is that a simple apology will fix it, but you can be so blinded by your thoughts that you become paralysed. You run yourself down rather than talking it through to get the wider perspective.

Often our judgement of ourselves is far harsher than we would judge others. While it seems only fair to judge ourselves as we would others, we seem to expect much higher or even supernatural powers of ourselves. "I should have known they were thinking that …" or "I never get it right". In reality like everyone else we make mistakes, we learn from them and move on and almost it's those last two steps that those with low self-esteem lack.

It is important to look after yourself, so if you feel that you are worthless or not worth bothering about; perhaps it is something you need to talk through with a counsellor. A counsellor can help you to unpack those feelings and help you to understand what is going on for you.

In summary:

• Take care of yourself
• Judge yourself fairly and gently
• Be careful about making absolute statements about yourself they are usually wrong
• Get help from a counsellor – it can help.

However, you decide to go forward look after yourself - you are worth it. Good Luck

Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/mental-health-articles/low-self-esteem-how-to-feel-better-about-yourself-5642404.html

About the Author

Graeme is a counsellor and writer living and working in Glasgow, UK

He is the director of Considerate Counselling (http://www.consideratecounselling.co.uk/counsellor)

Graeme has dealt and helped people with a huge number of probems in that time. To read more visit